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kennethwpl
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Name: Poh Lim
Country: Malaysia
Metro: Kuala Lumpur
Birthday: 10/17/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Surfing the net, chatting, movies... basically, just wasting time doing rubbish :)
Expertise: When it comes to staying online, I am prolly among the top ranked guy out there.. I am also expert in downloading series for my housemates :p
Occupation: Student
Industry: Legal
Message: message meEmail: email me
MSN: kennethwpl@hotmail.com
Member Since:
8/6/2005
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| It's not easy...I just needed a forum to let go everything.. so i guess the post ahead will kinda be a lil whiny perhaps for some, but again, this is a blog to reveal the true me.. so, i think i dont need any permission to do it ..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Absolutely needed that scream. Sigh, albeit silently, i really just feel like screaming. I am tired of everything really. I am tired of acting, in front of my mom, in front of my friends, in front of everyone. I really am very tired, i just can't find the strength to labour on further. Probably, people would have started noticing that i am not as cheerful as last time, i am more introvert as compared to last time, and probably a lil different.
Yes..
I am just tired of trying to put my most positive face out there. My mom is still crying every night, she is still screaming every night. She is worried about my studies, she is worried about this, she is worried about that. Every night, she will knock on my door, to cry in front of me. AND its really bothering me. It really is. As i already have my own studying schedule and all, she feels it's not right, she feels i should study like other normal students, and it's really shouldn't be this hard. I should wake up early in the morning and study, and study in the afternoon, and prob evening, and at night i should sleep. BUT I CANT. For fuck sake, i just cant, because i can only absorb whatever i am reading at night. It's how i had been studying all this while, and it works fine. Yes, i have studied a few nights up to the morning where i head to class straight. I understand why she is worried, but i cant just change my study methods just like this..
But i really hate it, that she cries everynight in front of me, to show her stress at work, to show that she is worried about me and all, because it just make me feel worse. So, i had to act in front of her, telling her that everything will be okay, and consoling her every night.. making sure she is safely tuck in bed.. and i need to show her that my studies are ok, i will definitely pass my exam this time.. Back to my room, i had to tell myself not to be distracted and focus.. But trust me, its really not easy.. It's stressing me to death, living to her expectation, my expectation and knowing that i really had to do well this time.. with all the problems that had been bugging me all this while.. It's really not as easy as you might think out there.. It's not that i am giving myself unwanted pressure, its not that i am kiasu, its not that i am secretive, its not that i wanna do better than the rest, its not that i am lansi, its not that i crave attention, its just that.. sigh, this is driving me mad?
And going to class, i had to show that i am fine, and life goes on, and everything is good and fine with me.. I thought i could manage it, i really thought i could, but i just cant. I am really tired.. Yes, i am very stressed out, yes i cant sleep everynight as a result of my mom and the stress in my life, yes i am having insomnia. I just cant find the reason to be genuinely cheerful. I know some of you cares for me alot, and wanna share the prob with me and thought it would be best if i were to share it out.. But I just cant. I dont know how to explain and tell it out. It's probably its my man ego, but it could be because i cant find the word to describe what i am feeling now besides FUCKED UP!
I was merely looking for people to tell me to hang in there, things will be ok.. and stuff like that, it would be really sufficient.. if i am really acting indifferently, behaving strangely, and been very introvert, please please please do realise, its not that i want it to be that way, but probably i needed time and space to breathe. I dont know, i just need some time to balance up my life. It's not that i do not wanna share, nor that i am hiding anything, its just that i dont know how to share..
I really don't wanna carry on playing some cheerful and happy character anymore. Tired. And my mom just cried again too. Sigh. I have to apologise to few of my friends and also my special someone that i had been losing my temper, or acting indifferently towards them for quite some time, but i am really very screwed at the moment, and i am not weird or anything, i am just under immense pressure and my family situation is really really really that bad. No joke, its really that bad. I hope people will understand. Well, if you dont, i dont care anymore. Because i am tired of carrying on acting that i am fine. Thanks.
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| My special mother day wishes.. yes, wishes..This will be a one-off entry i guess, just to show my appreciation to the 3 moms in my life whom had contributed so much to what I am today.. besides, i am realllllly lazy to keep my blog updated la.. no time.. BUT, there is always time for these 3 wonderful women in my life!
Firstly, to my godmom!!!
Dear kai ma,
I would want to thank you for every things that you had done in my life! My life would never be the same without your unconditional love and care. Even though you are merely my godmom and we aren't even related in blood, you had always treated me as if I am you own son and always showers me with gifts and love!
Perhaps this is what we termed as fate. I am fortunately destined to have such a wonderful and beautiful godmom, or mom rather, to love me so so so very much. I hope and promise that I will love you as much, if not more, because I really appreciate everything that you have done for me.
Although I have grown up and starts to have my own life and probably couldn't spend my holidays staying with you like when I was small, I will always remember those wonderful time I had with you! I am deeply humbled by your genuinity and sincerity all this while and you can always count on me if you ever needed my help in the future, regardless of what it would be, because....
I just wanna tell you from the very bottom of my heart that I love you too!!
On Mother's Day,
I give to you all the sunshine in the sky,
the flowers in the world,
the love in my heart.
Happy Mother's Day..
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And there's my guardian, whom I had stayed with for a staggering 17 years!!
Ah mi,
At this very moment, I miss you and everyone else (kor wai + wife + soon-to-be-born child, ah jie + ivan kor kor + jw + sy, ah kar + ah yam kor kor + wei li) so so so much!! As I think of what to write here, all teh past memories came back to me. Remember how we used to chat the whole day, how we used to go out and have supper late at night, how we do groceries shopping.. and so much more!
6 years have passed since I went back to live with my mom, but you are always in my memory! ALWAYS! Hehe, I am actually tearing now because I miss you so much this very moment. I am very glad that I am always accepted into your family and how everyone treated me like part of the family! The love, care and attention are so overwhelming that not a single point in my life that I feel like a stranger in your family!
As I grew up, I learn that life is hard and a long journey, not everything will turn out to be how I had expected. I learnt how to be patient and see things in different perspectives, persevere even though times are rough! Well, all these qualities are from you and your family! I saw how you and kor wai persevere when things are bad, how ah kar is so wonderfully patient and how ah jie will look at things in a cheerful manner!
I just want you to know that you are always part of my life, no matter where I go! You are always my mom and a loving one too! I hope you will continue to be healthy as ever, because I have so much to repay you! Hugz!!
When I think of all you've done for me,
I have to stop and smile..
You've always been there with you love,
And gone that extra mile,
Ad since you are so wonderful,
With all the things you do,
This comes to bring a heartfelt 'thanks'
And all my love to you.
Happpppy mother's day!!
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Finally, my supermom.. MOM lah!
Mom!!!!!!!
Hehe, you are a mom for 23 years already lo!! No, I am not saying you are old, but that you had been sacrificing so much for 23 years already!! Sometimes, it just made me in awe how great and wonderful a mom is, and how can you stand and bear with me for sooooooooooo long!?
It felt like just few days ago that you were caning me, nagging and scolding me! How time has changed! NOW, its probably me who nags you! Haha.. Our relationship might not be that smooth the past few years and perhaps our journeys had been patchy at times, but all these made me realised how much you loved me, and how much you actually meant to me! Alot, alot, alot!!!!!!
I would never ever trade you with anything in the world because you are the perfect mom! Perfect to me lah! I am very sorry that I couldn't buy you expensive or lovely gifts this year but I really believe it's the thought that counts right? Haha, besides, you already have me lah, what else you want?!? ^_^
Anyway, I just want you to know that you are not only my mom, but a friend to me too, and I hope our relationship will continue to improve and you will always be my number 1 mom!!
P/s - I sincerely hope that you will remain healthy and live a long life, so I can take care and shower you with love, because you deserve everything!!
You're really someone to be admired,
You handle so much responsibility,
motherhood, work, managing a home,
yet you somehow get everything done,
while still finding the time,
to make those who are close to you,
feel cared for and loved.
It's no wonder, then,
That if anyone deserves to have a wonderful Mother's day...
it's YOU!!!!!!!!
Happy mothers day mommmmm!!!
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Thank you God for blessing me with such precious gems in my life!! (of cz, i have one more gem in my life la, wink wink at miss chia) 
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| Giving up.. or not?That had been in my head for a long long time. At least for a month. I really don't know what to do with my life. Mom is crying every single day, and i know she cant take the family's responsibility already. I can no longer focus on my studies at the moment. No doubt, i know what i am capable of in studies. I won't say i am a genius but i know if i can keep focus and put in my 100% effort, i will be able to go through this. But honestly, how can i not worry about my mom when she kept crying and wanting to commit suicide. I really can't do it, i am having insomnia for a month already. I had kept this very well hidden and only lengseen knew about this. I am really struggling with my life at the moment, and yea i know many of you would think that everything is solvable, but seriously, how? My mom has a mortgage of 3k to be paid every month for this house. Selling the house? The proceeds will only be enough to pay of the mortgage and she wont get back a single penny. Changing of work? Where else can a 50 year old woman whom is uneducated earn that kinda money to support the family? I know if this condition persist, i would definitely fail my clp, i am very sure of that. But i know if i failed my clp, mom would be so disappointed in me. I tried speaking to her about my problems and i really can't focus, but she did not give reassuring words, instead she said, if she were to die, it would solve all the problems. So how could i share my problems with my mom anymore? I am contemplating quitting this course and get a job so i can contribute to the family. What do you guys suggest me to do? I really need loads of advice and opinions.
p/s - i know most of my christian friend would say believe in god, have faith and all.. i know what u guys are going to tell me because that is what i am telling myself everyday.. well, let's just say i need some practical suggestions..
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| Yu Kee bak kut teh..Bak kut teh.. a type of dish that is widely popular in the west malaysia especially in klang has been around for ages.. The literal translation in english would be Bone Tea, which is I guess could be due to the fact that the soup is brewed in chunks of pork ribs and bones. It can either be served in bowls like in typical klang bak kut teh's restaurants or in a claypot, which i personally prefer. So, i had been to klang for bak kut teh with my lovely dearie a couple of times one month ago and hasn't had bak kut teh for few weeks when suddenly Valz msged me and asked me for lunch. She said she had been wanting to taste this Yu Kee bak kut teh in ss14 which had been luring her with the aromatic smells. So we both went to this restaurant for lunch.
We ordered the food suitable for servings for 1 person and we didnt had to wait long for the food. However, the bad omen were apparent when the garlic first came. The garlic which was supposed to go together with the light soya sauce and cili padi. To my dismay, the chopped garlic were chopped so pathetically that they might as well just leave it as it is because, yes, it is still so big and not nicely chopped! Not that i am very particular but when it is as big as half a mentos, it's a definite NO! Anyway, the bak kut teh was served within 15 mins of ordering which is pretty quick. However, again to our disappointment, the soup is rather tasteless and rather than bak kut teh, it should be called hot-water-with-a-very-limited-herbs-in-it-that-it-is-so-tasteless but i guess that wouldn't be that appealing to customers. So, they had to go with the trend and named it bak kut teh to torture us who genuinely believed that it's the authentic bak kut teh. Even the yau char kwai is cold and not crispy, so when you dip it into the soup, instead of being soft yet crispy, it became hard to chew. The food is so bad that we had to struggle to finish them. And expectedly, we couldn't finish our rice, and everything else. Thankfully the chrysanthemum tea taste normal and that's the only thing we managed to finish.
The above picture merely is one of the item that we couldnt finish. Costing about RM26 for two of us, i would strongly recommend everyone else to spend some extra 20 minutes and drive to klang instead for a more authentic and satisfying bak kut teh. Heck, i would rather just eat the wan tan mee outside my house. At least for RM3.50, i get more satisfaction. All in all, double thumbs down for this restaurant. Remember this saying, 'Eating bak kut teh in Yu Kee Restaurant, you'll definitely complain and rant!'
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| A very special day to me..5th October 1984 saw the birth of a person that would have make a great impact in my life. She had been very caring and thoughtful all the whilst i knew her. I met her 3 years ago in Taylor's College while doing my 1st year L.L.B. there and boy oh boy, who would have expected something to happen between us 3 years down the line? We never even spoke to each other during the entire year despite being in the same class. But our friendship grew and we became very close friend after we both left to UK to further our studies. Ironically, it is only after we were separated by distance that our friendship grew as she was studying in another city in UK. Somehow, like in the tvb series that most of us always watch, our friendship blossomed into something more special. Hehe, it's a four letter word that somehow is lacking in the world today, *love*. By fate or by God's will, we got together towards the end of our time in UK. She might be far apart from me now and we might be separated by 13 hours of flight, but i am sure our hearts are together. I just want to take this opportunity to tell you that I am very grateful that you gave me a chance to be your someone special, and I love you. Happy birthday to the special one! Hugz!
PL to LS
p/s : this is the first time i will actually attach a picture in this blog, so yeah.. hehe.. :)
And i think this entry is a very special one because at least it shift my sorrow in the past few entries into something to be happy about!
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